remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
