What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
