She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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