i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
