i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
