I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
