please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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