i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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