Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
