John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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