I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
