After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
