i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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