Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
