there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
