I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
