And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
