evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
organizing the empties. That sober.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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