My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
