Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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