On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
