If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
