Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
