i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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