i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
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They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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