I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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