one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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