that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just want nice things and good sex
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
