the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
