You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I did not marry a roomba.
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