This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
