Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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