shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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