it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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