Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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