I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
