That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
