I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
