I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
