The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
