WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
