The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
