can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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