This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
