i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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