Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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