Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
