Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
