oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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