oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
