If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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