It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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