so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
