She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
