I only kidnapped one of them. chill
barbara walters just said penis...
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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