My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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