ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The air was thick with penises
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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