just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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