Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
