Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
