he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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