if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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